Disney

This project has taken me entirely too long. We went to Disney at the end of April and loved every minute of our time there.  The highlights were: 

*Riding the new Pandora ride.  This ride and so many others had me thanking Heavenly Father for people talented enough to make something so beautiful and exhilarating.   

*Watching the Disney Parades.  Disney has a way with timing beautiful music to unbelievable floats and all your favorite characters.  It makes me feel like I've found a home right in middle of my favorite childhood movies.   

*Finding new treasures and experiences in each park among all our old favorites.  

*Going to Epcot for the first time.

Going on all of my favorite big kids rides with Audrey and seeing her excitement in riding them for the first time.  

*Almost beating Paul in mini golf for the first time.  

*Audrey finding a love for all things Star Wars after riding the new rides at Hollywood Studios.

*Meeting Mickey.  He was so sweet to spend some extra time with Audrey.  

*Having dinner with the One Hundred Acre Woods Characters....worth every penny.

*The night show on the castle.  This is my favorite part of Disney, it's when the magic comes to life.  

*Seeing my family in Florida.  Paul and I both commented how nice it was to have a Sunday dinner with family. It's been a long year without any family around.  Audrey couldn't have been happier spending time with Charlotte.  I have missed my big sister.  I'm so glad it worked out that we got to meet up.  

*Seeing how sad Audrey was to leave.  The second from the last photo shows her with tears in her eyes.  I asked her to smile her last smile at Disney and she broke down.  She put on a brave face and smiled her best fake smile and said through her tears, "Mom this is as best as I can do.".  I can't say I blame her.  It's hard to leave such a magical place.  I think we were all feeling a little bummed on our last day there.  

I'll let the pictures say the rest.  

 

A birthday, an accident, and creativity

 I turned old.  My birthday this year was on Friday the 13th.  The day started out as it should, being that it was Friday the 13th.  I had a friend call me at 5 am, she was puking and wondered if I could take her subbing job.  I hesitated, I had planned a day off to hang out by myself and do nothing...maybe a day on the couch with Hallmark.  I also knew that she was supposed to teach the hardest class at the school.  I could write a book about how awful they are. Paul always knows when I come home from a day of teaching them. :)  I still have a hard time saying no.  The worst kids always need the most love....right?  

I couldn't say no to a puking Mama, and I knew that they wouldn't be able to find a sub unless they were some unsuspecting newbie. I headed to the school and my tactic this time around was to tell them all it was my birthday so they had to be nice to me.   It worked relatively well...along with a little extra love I had a pretty good day.  

Paul came home a little early and Audrey insisted on me opening the gifts she got for me.  I was super impressed by her choices this year...she knows me so well.  

After I blew out my candles we went out to eat.  We found this really yummy Italian restaurant downtown.  I loved the food, and they even made Audrey some gluten free noodles. We ended the day with the cake Paul made for me which was amazing!  I love him more than words can tell.  Thankfully Friday the 13th may have started out a little rocky, but in the end it was a pretty fabulous day!     

At the beginning of the day Paul told me that my birthday present was supposed to arrive on my birthday but things had gotten a little mixed up and it was going to be a little late.  I was thinking it was something from amazon.  You know...a small box. A few days after my birthday a truck arrives and the guy who gets out of the car asks me if I'll sign for the package.  I say sure and as I'm signing he's unloading these huge boxes.  I was so confused...he must have the wrong house.  Then he says, "Paul Kendall lives here right? It's the keyboard he ordered."  "What?....What did you say (getting teary)?" He must have thought I was a little crazy.  Needless to say, Paul spoiled me.  I now have an electric piano that I don't have to tune every year, or for us every time we move.  

I've made a goal to work through the hymn book.  Someday I'll be able to really play the piano.

Audrey has been very accident prone lately.  She's growing like crazy and I think she's having a hard time adjusting day to day to her growing body. She had a huge spill at school where she cut up her lip which became twice it's size (I'm surprised she didn't loose any teeth), she also cut her knees and elbows.  She was in pain everywhere.  I had to bring her home from school because she was inconsolable and I'm not sure the school was equip to clean the gravel out of her knees.  Only a few days later...she's not even healed from the first accident and she takes a spill on her scooter.  One minute she's wahooing down the hill and the next she's face down on the pavement.  All of the not quite healed parts were reopened.  I carried her as she was screaming down the street to our house.  I tried to tell her about my biggest spill when I was a kid, but she wasn't having it.  She wanted band-aids and she wanted them now!  I'm proud to say everything is healed now.  

 If there is a paper plate or a box, or a piece of paper she will find a way to build something with it.  She amazes me because her imagination is endless.  She would rather imagine she's somewhere else with her inventions then play with her toys any day.  Most days she's doing one of three things: Imaginative play, reading, or writing her latest book.  This time she built a train and went on several adventures.  She even made a smoke stack.  When she was finished building it she had to make sure that her Engineer father looked it over to make sure it was sound before heading to her destination.  I was cracking up.  I'm so curious to see what she decides to do when she gets older.  

There are downsides though...I'm one of those horrible Mom's who has a hard time letting her imagine.  She has a very messy imagination and I get so stressed out when she starts her projects.  I worry about finding a place for her creation because we live in a smaller house, I also worry about throwing away her creation because she seriously struggles with letting things go.  She cried when I donated a blanket to a thrift store the other day.  I also worry a little about clean up....only because most of the time she wants to continue with a project for days.  I've had several conversations with Paul about how I can change my thought process.  I want to cultivate her creativity....she loves it and it's so good for her future.  I want to be more relaxed, it's still something I'm working through. I guess the important part is that I recognize the crazy in myself and that it's okay for her to be a kid.  

I've found that when I let go and just enjoy I find these beautiful moments where I get to watch her learn and grow and find joy in creating.  Here's to changing.    

Easter

Easter weekend was also Audrey's spring break.  I would have to say that we were both ready for a break and a little bit of extra family time.  We spent a lot of time grilling and Audrey camped out in her tepee every night, we read a lot of books, watched movies, and went out as a family.  We're hoping it warms up soon so we can go on a real camping trip.  

On Saturday we decided to do an Easter egg hunt.  I always enjoy a good Easter egg hunt...mostly because of the leftover chocolate and jelly bellies. :)  Audrey insisted on hiding eggs for me and Paul this year too.  I didn't argue.  :)  

On Sunday we dyed eggs together for the first time. Later I made deviled eggs out of them and found out that Audrey loves hard boiled eggs...but only the white part.  She was eating the whites faster than I could put the yolk back in.  

Conference was also a highlight of Easter this year.  President Nelsons talk was so good.  It hit me right in the gut.  I really want to feel the spirit and be guided in my life in the way that he describes.  If you're interested in listening I'll post it here.  

President Nelson's Talk 

Conference always makes me cry and I always vow to be a better person than I was the previous months.  I hope that with time I can work toward being the type of person worthy of the spirits constant guidance.  I hope I can teach this girl to be better than I've been.    

Weather Veins, Snow Hills, and Spring

Yes, my next door neighbor has a rooster weather vein.  She kept telling me how excited she was to put it up.  She told me that she thought that Audrey would love it.  In my imagination it was smaller.  :)

We got so much snow within a week.  I was determined to get out and enjoy it.  I had this idea of making Audrey a really large snow hill so she could sled in our backyard.  It's been a while since I've been around snow.  I forgot about how terrible powder is to pack....maybe I shouldn't even put powder and pack in the same sentence.  I kept shoveling up mounds only to have it fall in a few minutes later when I tried to pack it down.  

It's so cold here that more often than not our snow is powder.  I'm sure the skiers love it but the Mom's trying to make snow hills and snow men for their kids hate it. 

I decided that I would pile the snow up as high has I could and then maybe it would solidify over night.  It turns out that it doesn't get warm enough here at night to solidify a pile of powdery snow.  Paul....bless his soul got up early in the morning before we got up and added more snow.  Then he spent an hour trying to pack it down with his boots.  It wasn't as high as it could have gotten if the snow were wet, but it was perfect for Audrey.  She spent and hour sliding down and climbing back up.  Paul and I even got in a few rides.  It was a beautiful Saturday morning full of smiles.  

Now.....two months later I'm wishing for the snow to go away but it keeps coming back.  It's like the gift that keeps on giving.  Audrey begged me to go out and play in it yesterday and I couldn't bring myself to do it.  It's making me grumpy and I don't like it.   It's been a while since I've had snow on my birthday and I'm determined for it not to happen this year.....so go away snow....or I might just have to find myself a flame thrower and aim it at the sky.  It is spring after all.  I'm ready to garden!

A Sweetheart

Lately I've been wondering where I went wrong as a Mother.  We will have days where I don't think she's listened to a word I've said.  It's like she's testing me to make sure I stay on my toes.  Other days all I want to do is sit on the couch with her snuggled up close and read a book or watch a movie or just sit and talk about her day.  

I'm trying to give her a little slack on the days where she just doesn't care because lets face it..I have days where I am a little nasty too.  Yesterday was one of them :).  I'm tried more recently to remind her in the morning that she can be a light and an example, that she can make make a difference in someone else's life today.  I don't always know if she's listening but I hope she does.  I've had a few moments recently that became proof that she listens and that she truly is a sweetheart.  

A week ago I was walking Audrey to her classroom in the morning before I went off to teach.  She noticed a Kindergartener in the hallway trying desperately to open his breakfast bar.  Without even a prompt she crouched down and said, "Hey!  Do you need help opening that?"  With exasperation he said, "Yes!" and handed it to her.  She helped him open it and then handed it back to him with a smile.  He said thank you and she was on her way.  I had to stop when we got to her classroom door and tell her how proud I was of her for helping.  

A few days later I was out helping at recess during lunch time.  Audrey ran up to me and told me she was worried about a little girl in her class because she was sad.  I told her, that maybe we should find out why.  When we got there the little girl explained that the kids she usually played with ran off without her and she didn't have a friend to play with.  I suggested she play tag with Me and Audrey and a couple other kids.  She lit up and started running away. Before we knew it, there kids all over the playground joining in.  Later in the day, I again told Audrey how proud I was that she did her best to help someone else. 

A few days ago I was having a down day.  There's something about my Birthday that makes me feel like time is running out.  Every time my birthday comes around I feel like it's less likely that I'll have another child.  I feel this urgency to do something drastic regardless of what the spirit is telling me.  Paul has been my voice of logic over the last few months as I've suggested all kinds of things to push pregnancy.  On a particularly hard day I cried.  I don't think I've cried about infertility since I said goodbye to Giselle almost two years ago.  I felt stupid for crying but I couldn't stop.  Audrey walked in the kitchen as I was hugging Paul and sobbing.  She was so worried over why I was crying and asked what was making me sad.  I told her that I was sad because I couldn't give her a little brother or sister.  She reached up and gave me the biggest hug and told me that it was okay.  I continued getting ready for lunch and talking with Paul.  A few minutes later Audrey grabbed my hand and looked up at me with all the sincerity she could muster and told me that she knew that I was going to have another baby.  I cried more as she ran off to her room. When she came back she had a note in her hand that said, "I love you Mom.  Love, Audrey".  After a while I stopped crying and she continued bringing notes, giving hugs, and telling me that I was the best Mom in the whole world.  When she noticed the tears had stopped she said, "Mom, I think you've got your smile back now!"      

 I've always been grateful for her, but in that moment I was even more grateful that she was mine. I felt and still feel completely unworthy to have her.  Here I am supposed to be  helping her and taking care of her and there she was comforting me. 

There have been moments when I just wanted to scream because she's really loving the defiant life right now.  Paul has asked me several times in the last few months if we are raising a brat.  We've talked about doing even more service and visiting people who have less so that she understands how blessed we are.  

As I've reflected back on the last two weeks I've realized that I have a beautiful sweetheart who at times has really grumpy days just like her Mom.  I always expect so much out of her and I've realized that I just need to be grateful that she's doing her best and shower her with even more love... just because I can.  

There was a little girl at school that told me that she wanted to be my daughter because I spoiled Audrey.  In response I told her that I don't spoil Audrey with things, but I do spoil her with love.  The little girl then said, "That's what I mean!"  

Audrey and I are lucky to have each other.