Raelyn

I feel like time flies by so quickly.  Raelyn changes daily and there are so many things I don't want to forget.  I used to be of the opinion that all newborns were the same.  I thought personality didn't come into  play for at least a few months.  Having a second child proved me wrong.  This little girl definitely has a personality.  My favorite thing is when she is content and sighs/sings with every breath.  She does it when I lay her down in her bassinet after I feed her at night.  She does it on my shoulder as I rub her back.  It's the sweetest sound and I'm soaking it all in a loving every minute of it.  

She likes making noises while she's being burped.  I think it's because she likes hearing how it sounds as we pat her.  She's also a growler.  If I'm not feeding her fast enough and she has to wait a millisecond or I pause feeding her to burp her she's growling at me.  She doesn't like laying down on my shoulder, she thinks she's bigger than she is.  She cries if I ever try to coax into it. This can be difficult when trying to get her to burp.  I've had to be creative with burping her in other ways.  It can be frustrating but also sweet when she stares at me for as long as she can hold her head up.  She is like a clock, she's always on time.  Sometimes she's right down to the minute from feeding to feeding.  

She has the cutest gummy smile and with it comes one tiny dimple on the right side if her face.  

She is the sweetest bright eyed baby and I consider myself lucky to be called her mom.  

A lot of people have asked me how Audrey is doing.  She's doing well.  Watching her become a big sister has been the sweetest and most rewarding experience for me.  She is fiercely protective of her baby sister and loves her so much.  The day after we arrived home I put Raelyn in her arms and pulled out the camera to take video of what was sure to be a perfect moment between sisters.  She looked up at me with the biggest smile and said "Mom this is so special!"  It was so special that I wasn't allowed to video it because she said it was a personal moment between her and her sister....something she'd been waiting a long time for.  

Every morning Audrey gives Rae a kiss for everyday that she's been alive.  I thought it would be short lived but she hasn't missed a day.   She's a self proclaimed baby hog and has already started sharing secrets with her sister that she says no one else will ever hear.  When Audrey holds her sister its like no one else exists.  She chats Rae's ear off and Rae stares admiringly up at her.  Audrey is a rock star helper and is always willing to take Rae when she's crying to comfort her.  

 The first month of Raelyn's life hasn't been the easiest.  I had mastitis twice and and then after recovering from that I was in bed with so much pain in my back and neck that I could hardly move.  Paul couldn't go back to work when he had planned and is now trying to crawl his way out of the load of work that piled up while he was away.  He was the only thing holding things together over a couple weeks.  He hasn't stopped doing laundry, doing dishes, making food, helping with the baby, and taking care of all of Audrey's needs.  I don't deserve him...full stop.  Now that I'm out of the woods and feeling normal again he's been able to go back to work and I've been able to more fully enjoy these two little munchkins. I'm loving this new crazy beautiful life of mine and still feeling like it's all a dream that I'm going to wake up from at any moment.    

 

Welcome to the World Little One

 This might be a long one so feel free to skip over it to see the pictures of this sweet little girl.  

  

Let's start at the beginning.  A week before my due date I was woken up at night with contractions every ten minutes apart.  I was induced with Audrey so I'd never experienced real labor at home.  I was questioning myself at every turn.  That night I didn't get very much sleep and in the morning I told Paul to get ready because I was probably going to have a baby that day.  I felt bad as the day went on and I didn't seem to progress past 10 minutes.  I can't tell you how much I walked to try to get things moving.  At 4:00 my contractions got to be 5 minutes apart so we packed up and took Audrey to a friends house.  We got to the hospital and while I was contracting, I wasn't in such intense pain that I couldn't walk or talk.  I just knew they were 5 minutes apart and I didn't want to have a baby at home.  

The nurses hooked me up to the monitors and they told me my contractions were 6 minutes apart and I was dilated to a 4.  Right away I could tell they were feeling like this wasn't the real deal.  My feelings ended out being right because they told me to go walk for a couple hours and then they would check on me. A couple hours later and I don't know how many turns around the labor and delivery unit later I was still the same.  They sent me home.  I felt stupid.

The next day my contractions had all but gone away and I was back at my regular routine.  The day after that they started back up and were a half hour apart to ten minutes apart for days.  My Mom and my sister arrived and were a welcome distraction.  I cried the morning of their arrival because I was so grateful they were on their way.  I have missed my family this year.  I haven't seen them in a long time and CoVid/being pregnant has not afforded me the opportunity to travel very much.  

They fed us, played with Audrey, watched movies, sang karaoke, and played the Wii.  Two days after their arrived I had another night of ten minute apart contractions.  I sent Paul to work because I didn't want to feel stupid again.  Mom, Karalee, Audrey and I went on a long walk, I bounced endlessly on a Pilates ball and ate as many dates and I could stomach and of course watched movies.  

At 3:00 my contractions got a little more intense and I was having to stop and breath through them.  I was hoping at this point that this was the real thing because I wasn't sure how many more days I could take contracting the way I was.  We went shopping at Costco and then to Winco.  I was so excited because Karalee was going to make me her famous crepes. By the time we got home things were starting to ramp up. At one point I started falling to my knees when I had a contraction because I was having shooting pains down my legs.  I started timing them and they were only 10 minutes apart.  I called Paul and told him to come home as soon as he could.  He arrived and I decided to call my midwife even though my contractions were still 10 minutes apart.  She told me to come in as soon as I could.  When we arrived at the hospital I had a contraction and then again in the elevator on the way up to the labor and delivery.  I knew they had gotten closer but I was still worried about my midwife sending me home.  At around 5:30 they hooked me up the monitors and checked me out.  I was dilated to a 6 and my contractions were 5 minutes apart.  

When they told me I was going to have a baby that night I felt like I was living an alternate reality.  I started to tear up.  This moment had been such a long awaited miracle that I couldn't help but be so humbled and grateful amidst the pain.  When I hit a 7 they offered me a medication to take the edge off.  I was grateful until it took effect and I was so dizzy I couldn't open my eyes.  Then I was grateful again when my next contraction hit and it was a tiny bit milder than the last.  My midwife was a saint.  She pushed on pressure points every time I had contraction and it was just the distraction I needed.  I kept telling her how amazing she was.  Paul stood by my side the entire time and held my hand.  Some how squeezing his hand and knowing he was there made me feel like I could actually make it through all this with a baby on the other side.  Then my epidural arrived and along with it sweet relief from the pain.  At this point my midwife told me she would come check on me again in a little while.  She estimated that I would probably have the baby between 10:30 and 12:00.

When she came back in she asked about my pain and I told her I felt a little bit of the last contraction.  She checked me and was surprised to see I was ready to go. It all happened so fast.  10 minutes of pushing she was out.  If I could give the woman who gave me my epidural a hug I would.  At the end I could feel myself tearing and her coming out.  It was just enough pain...not so much that I was crying but enough to know how hard I was pushing.  Raelyn was born at 8:45 with the cord wrapped twice around her.  Once tightly around her neck and then around her body.  She was blue and I was scared.  I was so worried when I didn't hear her cry.  My midwife so calmly and quickly unwrapped her neck and body and rubbed her.  Seconds later she started to cry and I did too.  She then put her on my chest. Little Rae was so beautiful and I was so in love.  In my mind I flashed back through the last nine years of emotional heartache, of torturing myself feeling like I wasn't good enough, asking at every turn what I was supposed to learn.  I reflected on loss from a miscarriage and failed adoption and how hard they both were on me and my family.  And somehow the timing of it all and this little spirit in my arms at this time felt right.  This is what God saw all along.  Feeling and knowing His wisdom, His love, His tender care in carrying me through it all was a beautiful journey that I had the privilege of being apart of.  The growth that came from my small trial is what kept me searching for him and for that I will be forever grateful.  

We brought her home the next day and had a few days with Karalee and Mom.  I was so lucky to have them. I still get emotional thinking about the sacrifice it was for Karalee to come amidst her work and her own trials.  I will forever be grateful for her and her tender care of my family and my dog, her ability to entertain without having to be entertained, her pancakes, her video game skills, singing the oldies with me, and her hugs. I'm so grateful for Mom.  I know it's hard on her to travel and I'm so grateful she did it for me.  I'm grateful she was there on the nights with a wailing baby that Paul and I couldn't seem to calm.  I'm grateful she took the time to learn and play video games with us and fly endless amounts of paper airplanes.  These will be a memories Audrey will hold dear for the rest of her life.  I look back and still giggle about how many times we had to play each level on Super Mario.  I'm pretty sure Karalee was the only competent player. 

Over all it was a week I will never forget.  Happy Birthday Raelyn!  We love you so so so much!