I don't even know where to start. This is why I've been away from the blogging world for a while. My life kind of flipped upside down in the most amazing way.
This little girl and her Mom came into our lives on the 3rd of July. I received a call from the President of the Young Single Adult ward in our church. He said that there was a girl attending that through a series of unfortunate events was homeless and needed help taking care of her daughter for a while. He said that it could be anywhere from a few days to a month. She just needed help while getting back on her feet. He said that they had prayed about it and they felt like they should call us. I was nervous of course but I felt really strongly that we needed to help in any way that we could
C came into our house that night and told us that she was so grateful for our willingness to help and that this was something that was going to be hard for her but something she knew she needed to do. My heart was breaking for her because I could only imagine how difficult it must have been to drop her daughter off with us.
C left and I felt an immediate love for this little girl that I didn't even know. I took it hour by hour and day by day. Audrey was so sweet to her. That first morning it was 8:00 before I woke up, which was really unusual because Audrey usually wakes me up right at 7. I got out of bed and ran to check on her and she called from the living room, "Mom, where are you going? I'm right here!" I asked her why she was sitting on the couch so still and so quiet and she said it was because she didn't want to wake the baby up. Tears came to my eyes and I felt so blessed in that moment to have such a sweet little girl who cared so much about this baby she had never met. Later that day she asked me if she could be a big sister to G for just a little while and I told her of course she could.
A few days later we heard that this could turn into an adoption situation. I was excited and overwhelmed at the possibility. Paul and I just kept looking at each other and saying, is this really happening? I'm not going to lie it was hard, that first week I felt like I was barely breathing. Things had changed so drastically and so quickly. I had become an acting Mother of two in a matter of hours. G responded fairly well to me but I wasn't her Mom and I could tell that she wasn't sure what to think of me.
Everyday it got better. We met with C a few days later and she said that her heart was telling her that she needed to place G for adoption and that she should place her with us. She said she still needed some time to pray and think about it but she wanted us to know that she was considering it. We told her that we would love to be G's parents if she decided that's what was best for G and for her. For the next couple of days I felt anxious because I felt like I was in limbo. I wasn't sure what was going to happen.
I kept asking Heavenly Father. Are you sure I'm good enough for this little girl? Are you sure I'm the one that's going to be the best Mom for her on her hard days? Are you sure that I can teach her the things that she needs to know? Are you sure that she's going to love me as much as I love her?
I felt so inadequate and so scared, but I left it in his hands. I knew that he would only allow to happen what was best for all of us. I can't even describe the outpouring of His love that I felt. I could feel him telling me..."Emily, just trust me!" "I know you, C, G, Paul, and Audrey better than you think I do and I love you more than you can comprehend." "Be still, I got this!"
C came to us not too long after that in the afternoon on a Saturday and told us that today was going to be a sad day for her but a very happy day for us. We cried together as she told us that she wanted us to be G's parents. My heart was breaking for her and for the loss that she felt. I couldn't do this without her strength. It would be too hard knowing that my gain was her loss. She has been so strong and I admire her. I know that I was not as strong at 20 years old.
For future reference and so that I don't forget...I wanted to list a few of the ways I saw God's hand in all of this.
- We were asked to move to Singapore by Paul's boss in May. They wanted us to move by June. They decided not to send us.
- We wanted to go on a road trip over 4th of July weekend and last minute we decided not to. C would have probably found someone else if we weren't available.
- We had felt strongly that adoption was our next step after years of infertility. We'd finish the process of being ready to adopt in October of last year. Adoption was something that I'd never really considered till that point.
- Audrey had told me just two weeks before that we needed to make a quilt for baby sister because she was coming soon. I threw caution to the wind and made the quilt and two weeks later G fell into our laps.
I know that there were just as many on C's side but I'll let her write those down so that I don't share them with the entire world.
C, this is for you so that you're not worried: Now that it's been a month G trusts me, she's happy (she's giggling more than she's not), she give hugs and kisses out without me asking if I can have one.
She's always so happy to see Daddy when he gets home.
She calls for Audrey first thing in the morning. They're the best of friends and they get mad at each other just like sisters. It reminds me of my family. :)
She asks me all day where Daddy is, all the way up until he gets home.
Wow, this is really long...but I can't leave without saying how grateful I am that I'm apart of something so amazing and and selfless on C's part.
You will never know what kind of a gift you have given me.
Heavenly Father lives and he answers prayers! It's not always in the way you expect, or when you expect it to happen but he does answer and his way is always the most beautiful and rewarding.
