Food for Thought

There are so many things that I feel like the spirit has been trying to teach me over the last few days.  Paul had a really good institute teacher at BYU.  He came home everyday telling me about the latest amazing thing he learned.  I had the chance to sit in on one of his lectures and loved every minute of it. 

He said something that day that will be burned into my mind forever and it came back to me again this week.  He said that the one thing that Satan wants, more than anything, is to get you to the point where you no long have the spirit with you.  This may seem like common sense but to me it was this moment of awakening.  I know he wants me to fail.  I know that he's waiting for me to mess up so that he can get me to mess up again.  I also know how great he is at making me feel like I'm worthless.  What I didn't know, was at what point did I let him in?  That's why contention is mentioned over and over again in the scriptures.  I never feel the spirit leave faster than when contention is near. It's also why it's important for us to keep our baptismal covenants...so we can always have His spirit to be with us.  

I was thinking this week about some of the things that keep me from listening to the spirit. Sometimes I'll pray for something and then feel like the spirit never spoke to me and I wonder why.  Why didn't I have that opportunity to serve someone?  Why do I not feel directed in this choice I'm trying to make?  

It turns out that it was me all along.  I wasn't listening.  

I heard over and over again in primary that the spirit is still and small.  It turns out that you have to be still to hear it or feel it in my case.  The thing holding me back most of the time are all the distractions, and this world is full of them.  You're mind can be entertained and occupied at all times if you choose to allow it.  My cell phone is my best friend and greatest enemy.  Lately I've found myself on it more than I haven't.  When I'm not playing with Audrey, cleaning, or making food, I'm on my cell phone.  

In one of my quiet moments this week I had this thought come to my mind, "How can the spirit speak to your mind when you never make time for it."  I never allow my mind to rest or meditate, it's this constant barrage of articles, facebook posts, Instagram pictures and stories, podcasts, and much more.   I'm tired.

I recognized with that thought that that he was getting exactly what he wanted.  I wasn't doing anything bad per say, but I was keeping myself from all of the really good things, the person I want to become, stronger relationships with friends and family, and the things that Heavenly Father wants of me.

The next day I put my phone on our mantle and didn't pick it up all day.  It felt good to let go and something beautiful happened, I started to hear.  

My thoughts guided me throughout the day.  The thoughts that normally came to my mind that I  would put away thinking, I'll do that later, got done.  I did things that put me out of my comfort zone, but they were things that I knew I needed to do.

I hope that I can do better to invite the spirit and hear it's quiet guidance in my life.  

I'm trying to make time for more moments of stillness and less moments of distraction.  

A New Zoo

Since moving here I was asked to start a playgroup for the women in my church.  At first I wasn't sure about this new responsibility.  I know nothing about this area and I know none of these women.  After being here a month I can safely say it has been the best thing that has ever happened to me.  It has pulled me out of my house when I would probably be more inclined to stay in.  It has pushed me to socialize and get to know the women in the area which I'm sure will result in making a lot of friends.  

When moving here I prayed for one thing.  I wanted a really good friend.  I don't need a lot...just one.

I found that in Texas and I was sure that if I could do it again, then living in a strange place new place wouldn't be so bad.  

If I didn't already know by now, I would know today that God is in the details.  He knew exactly what I needed when he put me here.  I'm excited to see what else he has in store.  

This weeks activity was the Zoo.  They were having a party and invited a bunch of vendors and gave away a bunch of free stuff.   

I was asking a few of the women at church about the Zoo and some of them laughed as they described it as a glorified petting zoo.  I would say their description was pretty accurate, but I fell in love with it while I was there.  It was kind of picturesque with the river running through it.  There are beautiful gardens and quite a distance between exhibits.  Audrey kept telling me over and over how amazing it was.  Of course she loved getting her face painted and filling her bag with cool trinkets too.  

Audrey's favorite part was a scavenger hunt.  We had to find animals that could swim, animals that were nocturnal, our favorite animals, animals that live in forests, and many more.  She was so excited when she finished filling it out because that meant she could have a small stuffed animal at the end.  She picked this little bear that she now sleeps with every night.  It's currently her favorite toy and her very best friend.

When we finished up I bought us a snow cone to share.  I had to order the bubblegum flavor in reminiscence of my childhood.  I built up in my mind how amazing it was going to taste as I thought about selling snow cones during the summer when I was a kid.  I'm pretty sure we ate more than we sold.  I was just a little disappointed when the bubblegum tasted nothing like bubblegum.  It was more like watered down cotton candy.  Audrey kept raving about how delicious it was and how she couldn't believe we were eating snow.  It was totally worth the $3.00.  Seeing it through her eyes was far better than the snow cone I'd imagined in my mind.  Maybe someday I'll get to treat her to a better version of the bubblegum snow cone. :)      

Puppy Love

We have a lot to work on with this little pup...but I am so happy that we decided to make her part of our family.  She gives Audrey something that I can't and it makes me so happy.  They are inseparable.  Audrey always gets mad when we have to leave Poppy behind.  The other day Audrey was crying in her room after I put her to bed.  I went in to check on her and Poppy followed.  After Audrey had calmed down a little I decided to leave but Poppy laid down next to her door and stayed there for another 15 minutes.  I thought it was so sweet.  I'm glad she's watching out for my little girl too.

Audrey has been obsessed with this Tepee lately, she pulls it out everyday and plays for hours.  Today she tried to get Poppy to join her and finally won her over.  As I sat at the computer and prepared my talk for the coming Sunday I heard her giggling as she played.  It was one of those moments I wished could last forever.  

Being a Mom is the best job a girl could ask for.  I'm grateful everyday for this little girl who made me a Mom and for a puppy that loves her as much as I do. 

Neglecting my Journal

Today I was looking at a post from one of my really good friends. It was a picture of all of her journals.  There were SO many!  I felt a little twinge for a minute wondering why I have never really picked up journaling. 

I honestly don't know why.  I used to love to read my Mom's journals and I love to read Paul's mission journals.   I have written... just not very much.  

I guess my reasoning is that I do it here.  I feel like it's illustrated so much better with pictures too.  So here it is.  My journal, out there for everyone to read and at some point I hope to print it.  Then I'll have a photo album and a journal.  I'm okay with that.  :)

This is a mismatch of photos from the last several months....that period when I didn't ever blog.  I missed out on sharing so much.  These pictures of Audrey and her cousins in Houston mean so much more to me now though...so I guess it's fitting.  

From the top: a visit from the Kendall's during the winter last year, an Easter egg hunt with a few close friends, and Easter day....oh how I wish I had of gotten a photo of all of us that day.  My birthday...I turned the big 32 this year, Audrey begging her Dad to build a fire in the backyard, and our last time in downtown Houston. I can't believe the year is already halfway over!