Finding a New Purpose

My little one,

You're not so little anymore.  I think the hardest and best part of being your Mom is watching you grow.  We waited so long for you.  It was so hard.  I began to wonder if I would ever have a child of my own and then you surprised us.  Finding out that I was pregnant was our Christmas miracle.

You have grown so fast and I have tried to live in every moment.

I let you go off to school.  You were so excited.  I begged you to stay home, but you were ready.  I was sleepless and having panic attacks.  I sobbed almost nightly for a month.  I feel like you just came into my life and now I have to send you off to be with someone else most of the day.  It's hard and everyday I wonder if I'm going the right thing.  After Daddy gave you a blessing this morning I had a thought come to my mind.  I have had so many experiences over the last few years that have helped me grow closer to the Savior.  To list a few: going to Texas and being away from my family, making new friends, being in church congregations that were struggling, and helping people who had little to nothing, taking care of a little girl who needed a family and then having to give her up after falling in love with her, moving to Montana, and then finding new friends again.  These are things that have helped me to learn love, find faith, and doubt my doubts.  Why would I ever keep you from experiencing these things yourself.

In Daddy's blessing you were told that you have a strong spirit and that you will be able to be a good example.  There are kids in your school that don't have what you have and it's my hope that while you are there you will learn to love all of them the way Jesus would.

I know that Heavenly Father loves me and that he loves you.  He is guiding our lives and he is very aware of us.  It's a good thing we are in this together.  Change is good, even though it's hard.

I love you snuggle bug!

Love,

Your Mom