There are so many things that I feel like the spirit has been trying to teach me over the last few days. Paul had a really good institute teacher at BYU. He came home everyday telling me about the latest amazing thing he learned. I had the chance to sit in on one of his lectures and loved every minute of it.
He said something that day that will be burned into my mind forever and it came back to me again this week. He said that the one thing that Satan wants, more than anything, is to get you to the point where you no long have the spirit with you. This may seem like common sense but to me it was this moment of awakening. I know he wants me to fail. I know that he's waiting for me to mess up so that he can get me to mess up again. I also know how great he is at making me feel like I'm worthless. What I didn't know, was at what point did I let him in? That's why contention is mentioned over and over again in the scriptures. I never feel the spirit leave faster than when contention is near. It's also why it's important for us to keep our baptismal covenants...so we can always have His spirit to be with us.
I was thinking this week about some of the things that keep me from listening to the spirit. Sometimes I'll pray for something and then feel like the spirit never spoke to me and I wonder why. Why didn't I have that opportunity to serve someone? Why do I not feel directed in this choice I'm trying to make?
It turns out that it was me all along. I wasn't listening.
I heard over and over again in primary that the spirit is still and small. It turns out that you have to be still to hear it or feel it in my case. The thing holding me back most of the time are all the distractions, and this world is full of them. You're mind can be entertained and occupied at all times if you choose to allow it. My cell phone is my best friend and greatest enemy. Lately I've found myself on it more than I haven't. When I'm not playing with Audrey, cleaning, or making food, I'm on my cell phone.
In one of my quiet moments this week I had this thought come to my mind, "How can the spirit speak to your mind when you never make time for it." I never allow my mind to rest or meditate, it's this constant barrage of articles, facebook posts, Instagram pictures and stories, podcasts, and much more. I'm tired.
I recognized with that thought that that he was getting exactly what he wanted. I wasn't doing anything bad per say, but I was keeping myself from all of the really good things, the person I want to become, stronger relationships with friends and family, and the things that Heavenly Father wants of me.
The next day I put my phone on our mantle and didn't pick it up all day. It felt good to let go and something beautiful happened, I started to hear.
My thoughts guided me throughout the day. The thoughts that normally came to my mind that I would put away thinking, I'll do that later, got done. I did things that put me out of my comfort zone, but they were things that I knew I needed to do.
I hope that I can do better to invite the spirit and hear it's quiet guidance in my life.
I'm trying to make time for more moments of stillness and less moments of distraction.
No comments:
Post a Comment